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Lesson 5 of 10 Lesson 5 of 10

Module 6 - The Parent Toolkit

Last activity on April 9, 2024


Strategy 4 – Walk a Mile In Their Shoes

Walk a Mile in Their Shoes

Parents need to do the work to become teammates instead of opponents.

The best way to understand the games is to have a crack at them yourself. If you are one of the many, many families that is having trouble getting a gamer to stop in a timely manner, here’s why:

There is a choice gamers face every time you tell them to stop, and depending on the gamer and the game, this is what’s going through their mind:

Mom wants me to stop now, but I need to finish it because if I don’t, then I’ll

  • lose the game
  • lose rank
  • lose progress
  • lose face with my friends/opponents
  • get banned for quitting

To our gamer, it’s like being asked to quit a basketball game in the middle of the 4th quarter with their school friends on the court and in the stands

There’s nuance to consider

The list above are some of the reasons why children resist leaving the game they are playing. It may be a reason but it’s not going to excuse poor behaviour.  We believe that by taking interest, the behaviours will begin to change. We want our gamer to make better decisions regarding when to start their gaming sessions in the first place.

By asking your child to coach you through playing their favourite games, you will begin to have an appreciation for the level of skill and practice that goes into their hobby and they will feel better understood as a result. They will feel that you are investing time into something they really like, and so investing time into them.”

Ask questions. This strategy is the first of a few win-win’s we are aiming to achieve. When they feel like they are being understood and their interests are valued, you will find communication will be much more successful because they drop their guard and begin to listen to reason. You used to be seen as the opponent for blocking their access to their passion. Now you will be seen as an ally because you’ve had a peek into their world and understand it better.

Why we do it

  1. By understanding the specific games they play, you can now see those nuances and be more effective when discussing strategies to improve their self-regulation.
  2. Ex) You’ll now understand why they might come late to dinner, but you’ll also learn enough about their game to figure out if they started a new game when they shouldn’t have!
  3. You’ll find that a little bit of empathy will go a long way in your communication moving forward. The lead up to your goal setting for the Care Plan is important so that you create a win-win scenario for everyone.

How to do it

  1. Get involved, get coached in their favourite game. 
  2. Make your child feel like their passion is valued
  3. Have them teach you what motivates them to play (CARED motivators)
  4. Learn the info from the HUD (heads up display) so that you can glance at the game and understand:
    • how long they’ve been there
    • how long they may have left
    • how they are going.
  5. Check out the Family Video Game Database by Andy Robertson
    • Search for the games your child is playing and learn about them
    • Find games that you and your child can play together casually to build connection and change the relationship with gaming
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